Communication is the essence of human interaction, without which the existence of society in its current state cannot be. Just like that, our relationships are shaped by how we interact, exchange ideas, and share feelings. Communication is vital for a healthy relationship, and a relationship is likely to only survive for a long time when there is clear communication between partners. Research involving 886 couples shows that 53% of couples considered lack of communication to be the top cause of breakups. According to a study by ReGain, 67.5% of marriages end up in divorce due to communication problems.  

Effective communication allows partners to share their problems and expectations. Sometimes a relationship starts to fall apart without the involved parties realising the core issue. Chances are that most of your relationship issues are emerging due to communication problems. Here are seven signs to look for… 

 

1. Feelings of resentment 

 

According to ResearchGate, resentment emerges as a reaction to acts that cause unjustified and meaningless suffering. In a relationship, a partner feels resentment towards the person because of the perception that they are not being treated fairly. A partner's intention might not be to harm you, but you might feel resentment due to their certain words or actions. The feeling of resentment is one of the main signs of communication problems. When partners are open about their feelings, emotions, and issues, the chances of resentment are far less. If you feel you have resentment towards your partner, make sure to communicate on time to resolve your issues, rather than waiting days or weeks to address a problem.  

 

2. Passive aggressive behaviour 

 

Unlike aggressive action, passive-aggressive behaviours in a partner are hard to notice in the beginning. In passive-aggressive behaviour, an individual doesn’t show their anger or needs directly but expresses them through indirect negative feelings. In most cases, these kinds of behaviours emerge due to communication problems. One of the clear signs of passive-aggressive behaviour is that the partner might display withholding communication or intimacy. A partner might also show signs of emotional absence or silent treatment. Noticing such behaviours in yourself or your partner is a sign that you must work on your communication. Approaching such problems with a clear and direct approach can save your relationship time and unpleasant feelings.  

 

3. Invalidating feelings 

 

Emotional invalidation is one of the most damaging results of communication problems in a relationship. Emotional invalidation happens when a person starts ignoring their partner's feelings, thoughts, and emotions. Invaliding feelings in a relationship can be a very hurtful experience. Often in relationships, when partners don't communicate over small issues, it accumulates to a level where invalidation of feelings emerge. People often invalidate someone when they are unable to process the other person's emotions. It could be due to a person being preoccupied with their issues or not paying enough attention. Navigating a relationship is not easy, but being aware of the language and conversational strategies can make a real difference. Learning the patterns of invalidating behaviours and having open discussions about them can build a stronger relationship.  

 

4. Failing to connect  

Connection is the foundation of a healthy relationship. What makes a relationship strong is the sense of closeness and connection you feel with your partner, both emotionally and physically. The connection between partners builds over time through sharing their vulnerabilities, insecurities, and strength. Sometimes in a relationship, when you feel like your partner doesn't understand your challenges or you are unable to share your happiest moments, that is when connections start to weaken. As connections between partners weaken with time, physical intimacy and comfort in each other's presence also disappear. The important thing you must remember in such circumstances is that connections between partners don't fade away overnight. A communication gap is the major underlying factor for loss of connection. If two people cannot communicate their feelings, challenges, and joys with each other, the connection will naturally fade away.  

 

5. Criticising each other 

It is natural to have a difference of opinion in any relationship. People often believe in contrasting worldviews but often learn to appreciate the difference in each other in a relationship. Relationship issues often emerge with partners criticising the smallest inconveniences in each other. The things they once appreciated, now become a deal breaker. But like all relationship issues, people don't suddenly become critical of each other. Criticism in a partnership starts when all the other factors, i.e., emotional unavailability, passive-aggressive behaviours, and invalidating feelings, all weigh in. At the root of all these issues is a lack of communication, which later turns to criticism and toxicity. Sometimes, you need to learn how to have difficult conversations with your partner to solve your relationship issue.  

 

6. Silent treatment 

You must be familiar with the term "the silent treatment". This happens when regular conversations in a relationship turn to minimal or no engagement at all. People opt for this option in any relationship for several reasons. Sometimes you are not in a mature relationship if you receive the silent treatment from a partner. But often, silent treatment as a strategy is adopted when either partner thinks communication is a waste of time and energy. The silent treatment can take many forms, from a partner directly stating out loud that “I don't want to talk" to avoidance behaviours and no response via phone or text. During silent treatment, a person might feel that they are punishing their partner, but it causes trouble for both parties. This ultimately indicates that your relationship has some serious communication issues. If you see yourself in that situation or are on the receiving end of silent treatment, be forward with your approach, and try to resolve the issue with a meaningful conversation. The response from your partner will determine whether they have the emotional competencies to take accountability for their behaviours.  

 

7. Being indirect 

Communication can have several forms, and all of them are not necessarily healthy in a context of a relationship. For example, indirect communication is when a person chooses to act on things rather than explicitly communicating about them. If a partner is upset about something, that person will show their feelings through various hurtful acts instead of directly communicating the issue out loud with their partner. Such strategies can cause more damage than good. The other reason behind indirect communication is that people are afraid of being rejected or they want to avoid arguments to feel safe. The person on the receiving end of indirect communication is likely to feel disrespect and sadness, ultimately leading to resentment. To solve the problem of being indirect, one must always start with positive feedback from their partner. Listening to partners and understanding their perspectives can help in having meaningful conversations, where partners feel more connected in the relationship. 

 

Are you experiencing communication challenges in your relationship? Book a free chat with Alyssa here for professional, non-judgmental support and advice.